Numb
by CodenameSev
Summary: Severus is a numb man. Is Hermione's departure a wake up call from his numbness? 2 parts. Now Complete! SSHG Sevmione Snamione. proof read by Rachel :)
1. Numb

The lounge was absolutely quiet. There was only the rustling of parchment and scratch of quills to be heard. The door creaked open and revealed Hermione entering. She looked tired. Far from her usually bright face that would greet me with a smile.

"Good evening Professors." She spoke as though with little to no interest. In her arms, she carried a bunch of essays. Seventh years Perhaps?

As I glanced at my pocket watch I realised that she was later than usual. Grabbing my book from my desk, I walked out of the lounge. It was my time to patrol and I didn't have a moment to spare. She usually comes early, but recently her timing had changed drastically. 'Almost like she's avoiding me.' I couldn't help myself thinking as I flipped the watch over in my hand, I saw my initials engraved in green crystals. She had given me the pocket watch a year ago. It had been a birthday gift. My fingers stroked the small ridges of the emblem- remembering her shy smile as she gave it to me. 'No. It was a very sweet smile.' The sound of the door closing broke me from my nostalgia- Putting away the watch carefully, I strode across the hall.

Nothing new happened around here. Students are still scared to roam the castle at night. Probably because of the aftermath of the war was still fresh in wizarding Britain's psyche. As I rounded the corner I noticed it, where it all began, the dent on one soldier's statue. Nostalgia took me again, It was there where Hermione had protected me, not that I needed protecting from a student, but she protected me none the less, many still held grudges. This student attempted to hex me as my back was turned, a cowardly act as far as I was, and still am concerned. Upon hearing the sound of her crashing into the statue, I turned. I saw her, Hermione on the floor- she was wincing in pain, the perpetrator ran away from the scene. I moved over to her as swiftly as I could, then I did something that shocked her, I held her in my arms and lifted her gently, I carried her to the infirmary, surprisingly I found myself staying with her. The Student was expelled immediately of course. 'Good riddance!' I thought again, breaking myself out from my memories, again.

I saw a bright light shine across the room. 'Finally!' I smirked to myself, a student out of bed. I walked to the source of the light, as I approached he must have heard my footsteps as I saw the light flicker low-immediately. I cast Lumos and illuminated the culprit.

"20 points from Hufflepuff. Mr Gridzo."

After my rant, and his stuttered yet obligatory excuses, I dismissed him and made my way up to the second-floor hallway. It was here that I saw her, stopping in my tracks, I watched from a distance, listening carefully.

"Miss Granger. My offer still stands. You might want to reconsider." A male voice spoke, though I wasn't too sure who it was.

"I will, Mister Crawford. I'll get back to you as soon as possible."

I saw Hermione nod her head as she walked away. Finally, she noticed me, but she didn't give me a second glance, a greeting or any acknowledgement at all. I focused on the retreating form of Mister Crawford as I turned their words over in my mind.

'What were they talking about?' I couldn't help but wonder. I tried to dismiss my curiosity as I headed down to my own quarters. I felt that a good night's sleep would do me good, tomorrow things would be normal again, that is if I ever get any.

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My morning coffee engulfed my senses as I headed to the head table, sitting in my usual spot. I picked today's Daily Prophet, as I picked it from the centre of the table I was able to glimpse to see if Hermione's already there. No. There was no sign of her. She was usually early, but then recently she had changed her patterns, last week she sat beside me, pestering me about a cup of tea, explaining the numerous ways in which it would benefit my health. Now everything was different, yesterday she'd moved to the farthest spot possible, the spot beside Hagrid. Today she's nowhere to be seen. I looked down at my coffee and breathed in its bitter scent. Yes, It's probably the coffee.

I took a sip, it's was hot and burned my throat as it went down, taking a mouthful of toast, as the sudden desire for burnt toast overwhelmed me. 'Why do I have the sudden desire to have burnt toast?' Maybe just to have something to justify the loathing that I felt of late.

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"20 points from Gryffindor! Your whispers and your gossip are unwelcome here!" I spoke carefully, dangerously, the tone that imbued the students with fear. They scrambled to their feet, and I couldn't help but feel satisfied. Their petty little footsteps thudding away as though I am a monster waiting to pounce. It seemed that anything could trigger my transportation to a world of remembrance these last few days.

'You're not a monster, Severus' That's what she had said, I could almost hear her say it. But she's wasn't here.

I walked into the library, browsing the different sections and I saw her, a handful, no, an armful of books. "Why not charm It to just follow you around?" I asked.

"I like them this way. It may seem childish but I like hugging books." A delicate smile played on her lips as she spoke.

"hugging?"

"Yes Severus, now help me grab those too."

"Fine, now give those to me. I can hug them for you."

"You know what? You can be sweet when you want to."

She had struggled with her books and I saw her drop a few of them. Her mouth opened, she had probably uttered a curse under her breath. As I walked nearer to her to help, a different set of hands had helped her up. She smiled that smile at him, and he returned it. Her smile was sweet. It's good to see her smile again. Even if it isn't in my direction. I took a step back and turned away. Unconsciously wrinkling my nose, feeling put out though I can't say I understood why. I assume he hugged the books for her, though I didn't look back to see.

00000000

"Good evening everyone, Can I have your attention please?" Minerva's voice grabbed the attention of the entire school body as surprising as that may sound. People looked at her with the same attention that they had given her predecessor.

"Two new professors will be joining us for tomorrow's classes." The students looked as surprised. Two? I know that DADA was open but what's the second one?

"Meet. Mister Loi and Mister Grasil, Mister Loi will be your new Transfiguration Professor and Mis..." I no longer paid attention, all I could think was 'Hermione's position is Transfiguration. Does that mean that she stepped down?'

I looked to my left and saw her clap with the others.

"Of course, It's only going to be temporary, as Professor Granger will be out of the country for a couple of months." Minerva looked to her left and made Hermione stand up. I felt a sweet wave of relief.

"I'll be back soon my lovelies. I promise." My gaze moved over the student tables. It was very quiet and someone even snivelled. She was a dearly loved professor, that much was clear, even to me. I found my feet standing up and leaving the hall.

'Bastard. You made a scene. You clearly implied that you were upset.' I chastised myself mentally, though there was no effort to fix my mistake.

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The knock on my door made me drop my quill. It's probably her.

"Enter."

The door opened, it was Crawford.

"Sorry to barge in like this but I want to bid a proper farewell. I'm taking my leave at this time of night it's an emergency -- pardon me. I'm babbling." He smiled and walked to offer a handshake I disregarded it, crossing my arms. Crawford shook his head and tapped a hand on my arm. "It's been an honour to meet a great man like you Mister Snape." He bowed his head slightly and stepped back to the exit.

If he's leaving tonight then does that mean that Hermione's leaving too? I stood up and moved urgently towards the door. Just a few steps and I'll see her. I rounded the corner and saw her, she was walking. I stopped running and she looked up startled, maybe because I was out of breath, maybe the sound of my urgency.

She stopped walking and gave me a nod. I walked up to her -breathing heavily.

"You're leaving without saying goodbye." I looked down at her. She held my gaze and snorted, and as her eyes never left mine, she spoke, and realisation hit me.

"None of that matters. I'm just a petty woman, engrossed with the fantasy of being loved." Her eyes rolled as she spoke the words, my words, though I distinctly saw a tear fall from the side of her eye before she stormed past me, bumping my shoulder.

Those words. I... I can hear it repeating in my mind. I remember again, only this time it's me I remember.

'None of that matters. She's just a petty woman, engrossed with the fantasy of being loved. I can never see her as such.'

'Is that truly true Severus? I know that you care for her greatly. Don't hinder your happiness.' My confidant had replied. So she heard it all then? I looked over my shoulder and saw her pause.

"I'm sorry. It's just that... It hurts. It struck home Severus. I'm only human." My heart broke as her answers were muffled by her tears. "Just give me time and I'll finally get over you. A few months will help." I begged myself to correct her.

"Hermione." That was all I manage to speak. I walked closer to her- hearing more tears fall. She turned to face me and she smiled, her eyes crinkled and her cheeks wet, red and swollen.

"Please. I'll be ok. Promise me that we'll still be friends when I come back. I'll be better." She smiled again, but it wasn't that smile, it was a mask.

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This has been proofread and beta-d by

boonaught - Rachel :)

thank you so much for proofreading :) the story was much better thanks to you :)


	2. Numb (12-30 06:13:18)

I pulled the door open and slammed it behind me, the room full of startled students flinched at the sound. I didn't care about their many and varied reactions, all their work was lower than satisfactory. The dunderheads.

"Get your parchments and prepare for the quiz. your last essays were beyond garbage. not one of you managed to receive a passing grade."

I walked to the front of the classroom and flicked my wand effortlessly at the blackboard, then, as though an invisible hand wrote, my directions appeared on the board in a neat and elegant script. I stalked around the classroom, eyeing their work, searching for anything worthy of deducting points or even just severe chastisement.

"Professor!" A blonde girl waved her hand enthusiastically in the air. I raised a brow and answered her question. She reminded me somewhat of another previous student, but I tried to push that aside. Her name echoed in my mind, 'Hermione', despite my need to cast the thoughts aside, it refused to leave. I saw her hand waving, another question, she, like Hermione, was always eager to learn more. She was a very bright student.

I always noticed Hermione's efforts, even if I kept her in the dark regarding that fact. Not that I took a liking to her back then, she was still a student. Merlin, no. Today was her first day back, after that unwelcome surprise that she would be leaving, it was sooner than I had thought and yet it wasn't as soon as would like, it's not as though I had been counting the days. I took a deep breath and sighed, I shouldn't be thinking about her. Slamming the book that I was holding on the table. I quickly, I gained the attention that I wanted, the students looked up and stopped scribbling on their parchments, dismissing my thoughts.

"Your parchments are charmed. So any if you... imbeciles" I pronounced carefully, for maximum effect, "try to cheat ...you will automatically fail the entire class!"

I sat on my chair and pinched my nose. Don't think of Hermione! I looked down and flipped my book open. A good read would be a great distraction. Yes, that's something she too would think... DAMN!

My evenings were far too quiet and... Lonely? What? You barely even had company before. Why think if it now?

"Good evening, Severus. Still marking? I'm afraid...I'll have to leave you to retire. Good evening again, Professor." Neville gave a nod and walked away, a stack of parchments tucked under his arm. I grunted in reply and continued marking. My mind transported me to another time, sat in this same room, but that night had not been so lonely.

'Oh dear, you sure give a lot of essays. Want me to help?' Her sweet voice had been filled with concern, it was almost intoxicating, it threw me off. I barely showed any emotion of course, but it made my heart soar.

I looked up and glanced at the lounge. Empty. I found myself lost in the dancing embers of the candlelight, dazed. 'I thought you were coming back today? Where are you, Hermione?'

"I SAW PROFESSOR GRANGER!" A child shouted in the corridor, this started a flurry of students questioning and gossiping.

"WHAT? HOW? WHEN?"

"She came here this morning. I was running late for class but I stopped and I saw her talking with Professor Hagrid! You would not believe!"

The Gryffindors, er ...gossip? Fact? Caught my attention. Two of them are happily chatting, their voices growing low as they walked away. I glanced at my pocket watch and looked inside the lounge, no more teachers present. They are probably at the Great hall by now. I headed there, entering through the staff entrance and looked to my left. I glanced at the heads of various professors and stopped... I narrowed my eyes, one individual's head caught my attention. A short blonde haired woman was happily nodding enthusiastically at the person beside her. I sat beside Hagrid and tried hard not glance again. It's Hermione. She's here. Finally here. She sat up and walked up the podium. She greeted every house and exchanging pleasantries. She looked at me, Merlin... That smile. I sighed and questioned her addressing everyone. What is she doing?

"... Alright, as you may notice." She smiled and gave a very authoritative look to everyone. Very impressive. "...Headmistress Minerva is not here today. Knowing that she was escorted by the deputy as well. I was told to handle her position in the meantime. I understand if there are any oppositions, however, I assure you I'm certainly capable of handling the position for the next few weeks. And I will do everything in my power to keep Hogwarts safe and productive for everyone." She paused and motioned to the staff as she continued, "Of course with the help of the faculty and the students we can all make this work."

The Great hall was filled with applause and she signalled for the feast to begin. I kept on glancing at her, she would always meet my eyes. I choked on my drink as Hagrid nudged me.

"A bit Shocking right? Er'mione had grown so much if yeh ask me. Looks more intelligent than evah." Hagrid muttered as I took a bite of a chicken leg. How can she be matured that much, if it had been just a few months or weeks at least? Maybe it's because of her hair? Did she wear makeup?

Hagrid cleared his throat and I glanced up to meet his eyes. "You ok? Professor? You looked cold for a minute there. Well, you always do but... I should not have said that. Sorry. But errr. Er'mione's position and maturity really shocked me. I think I know where you are coming from." The half-giant bumbled, clearly trying to sidestep a the hole he clearly felt he had dug for himself. Noting there would be no response he continued eating and I disregard his insult, I looked to my left and saw Hermione looking at me, letting a smirk escape my mouth. She blushed and looked away.

"Very... very shocking indeed," I said to myself and took a bite of chicken and wiped my mouth. I unconsciously found my eyes to meet hers again, this time she raised a glass in acknowledgement with a wink and a smile. Shocked, I almost spilt my own glass as I jumped.

I threw the small napkin from my lap and walked out of the great hall. It garnered me with a few odd looks but who cares anyway? I am sure they will all think of more sinister reasons for my actions, they always do.

It was her second week back, and her second week managing Hogwarts as 'Head'. She had been doing an excellent job, though I realise that I am biased, somewhat. Hermione had arranged a meeting and assigned patrols to the Hogsmeade weekends and even changed some room assignments. It was pretty troublesome but no one complained. It actually helped more in terms of classes. It was clear that she cared for all the professor's well being. We were dismissed and I realized that I was scheduled for evening patrols. Her changes would only come into effect next week.

"Professor Snape." Someone called, I would recognize her voice anywhere. Hermione. I stopped, looking over my shoulder.

"Miss Granger." I nod my head and she walked closer. Her new appearance still irks me. Well, it's pleasant, but it was a big change, she's still beautiful... Oh, Merlin.

"I was wondering if I could talk to you tomorrow. It's really important." Her face looked serene and calm, at ease almost.

"We could talk this evening." The words left my mouth faster than I could process the thoughts. She laughed and I felt my cheeks blush. I scowled and raised an eyebrow. "...If it's really that important then... why should it wait tomorrow?" I answered covering my own tracks, bringing my barriers back up and defending my own impulsive behaviour.

"Agreed." She crossed her arms and walked ahead of me.

I followed her back to the staff lounge and once we're settled she started.

"I was wondering why you declined to aid Minerva and Vector's departure. You would be a great leader for Hogwarts. I'm sorry it's just surprising."

"I wasn't asked to lead... Professor Granger." Choosing her professional title, trying to strive for some distance, distance helps. "These events were quite surprising to me also. Minerva never told anyone of their departure. Except you, it seems."

"But Minerva's floo call was so ... She was so distressed. I..." She cleared her throat. "I understand. That would be all." She started to gather her things again, making a move. I was lost in thought. Why would Minerva call Hermione? She felt ill at ease when Hermione was to close to me. She didn't approve of her growing feelings for me. She was almost out of the door when I spoke up;

"How long will you be here?"

"Don't worry I'll be gone as soon as they come back." She smiled sweetly, though it did not reach her eyes.

"That's not what I meant," I answered, I tried to soften my tone, but it rarely works, I am too practised, She rolled her eyes at me, her expression showed her feelings all too clearly. Why is she upset?

"Of course you do, Mister Snape." She dismissed me and continued out of the door. I was left wondering did I do something to make her upset?

I sighed and continuing my patrols around Hogwarts. It was a Hogsmeade weekend and I wasn't scheduled to go with the Students. As I passed a tree, walking up to it I was lost again, my hands clasped behind my back.

'This was the tree right?' Hermione had said and she patted its thin trunk.

'Pardon?' I folded a parchment and put it in my robe pocket.

'The Tree that you planted as a student...I hope that it blossoms and grows to the point where we can climb it.' Hermione smiled brightly, her fingers running over the ridges of its bark.

'You are planning to climb it. How very muggle.' I mocked that made her laugh.

'Wow, don't tell me that you have never climb a tree?' she giggled

'I did. But I don't have too. Wizards have a thing for flight, I'm sure you are fond of that?'

'No, Fair. Severus. I hate flight but climbing a tree is different.'

My brows furrowed and I run my fingers on the bark of the tree, my hand so close to hers had been, pulling myself back to reality. The tree had aged and I could tell that it had grown a little. As I walked back to the entrance, by the courtyard, I heard carriages arriving.

Hermione came down with Mr Crawford and three Gryffindor Students. Argus was waiting in front. "You will be having detention with Mr Filch this evening." The three boys looked down and nodded.

"Yes Professor Granger"

"You are dismissed." She turned and looked at Mr Crawford.

"Sorry, about that. I'm sure we can still have dinner some other time. I hope you understand." She smiled as she tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear, I couldn't help but watch with morbid curiosity. I saw Crawford smile while he kissed her hand.

"Of course, Hermione." She bid him goodbye and looked at his retreating back.

I sighed as I turned my back from the scene. Infuriating. I heard a couple of footsteps behind me, but I didn't turn around.

"Good evening, Mister Snape." She muttered and headed inside walking past me, not even pausing.

"Good Evening. Miss Granger."

"Oh Merlin, Hermione! He's a Great man. How long have you been dating?"

"Not that long really. Just about a month, I think."

"Then I see it's going well?"

"I think so. He's polite, kind and he understands my schedule."

"Oh. Has that been an issue?"

"Well, It was, because I came back here. I'm planning to leave right after Minerva comes back. "

"Pity, I'll miss you, Hermione."

"Well, if I want it to work then I should really put the effort in."

"As long as you are happy."

"I ...Guess so."

I narrowed my eyes and didn't enter the lounge. I couldn't help overhearing, listening. I couldn't bear to have this realised.

"OH.. sorry Professor. I wasn't..." A student stammered and lowered his gaze.

"40 POINTS FROM HUFFLEPUFF!"

I didn't let him respond, immediately I strode down to the dungeons. To my safe place, where I was free to wonder, what is this? Is this hatred? Envy?

I opened the door and summoned a glass of firewhiskey.

Jealousy... Jealousy's the right word.

I decided to not tend to my class until they arrived. My mind was more importantly occupied, the task, how do I deal with this situation, this jealousy. A week of gathering potion ingredients would be great, just what I need, time away from the castle 'What's the danger of gathering them a month early?' I sighed. 'You know very well Severus'. And I would still need to talk to Hermione. The idea is pointless.

I cancelled my plan and heading to my class. I gave the students an assignment and even gave them an early dismissal, which made them both curious and happy. I needed the time as much as they wanted it, time to steel myself for the disappointment to come.

As I rounded the corner I saw a coin roll by, yes, a muggle coin. I picked it up and saw it transfigure into a ring.

"Isn't it great?" I looked up and saw Crawford with a happy grin. He walked closer and picked the ring from my palm.

He flipped the ring like a coin and it turned back into its original shape. "I'm planning to ask Hermione's to marry me." I scowled and he was looking at it lovingly. How... affectionate. If Hermione receives that kind of love from him. 'She's better off with him' I thought silently, condemning myself by not speaking, whereas last time I condemned myself with one word, was history doomed to repeat itself?

"I wish you both... luck. Congratulations." I bowed my head, allowed a small smirk and walked away. I could not smile at this. Hermione to be married, separated forever, again.

'Severus? Have you ever seen yourself married?' I had flinched when she asked me that and dropped the book that I was reading.

'Pardon me?'

'Well, I'm just curious... I didn't mean to offend, sorry.'

'How did you come up with that question?' I asked in a severe tone, I should have been gentler, kinder, but hindsight has never been my friend.

'What are we, Severus?' She asked, her voice firm, I blinked a few times and saw her eyes become more serious. I opened my mouth but no words would come out. What's this? MARRIAGE? Then asking what we are

'We're Friends. Hermione. What are we to you? How long has this bothered you?'

'Just forget about it.' She looked down, her cheeks crimson, and continued reading.

I reached to hold her hand, but she simply shook her head. 'please.' her voice begged me to stop.

I stopped walking and found myself leaning on an alcove. 'She will be engaged and she will be out of your life for good, perhaps it's for the best'. You COWARD!

I rummaged in my robe pocket and lit a cigarette. I inhaled the nicotine and blew a few puffs of smoke, I relaxed somewhat as I thought about what had gone wrong.

Minerva had accosted me in the astronomy tower. She noticed how Hermione was acting. I never noticed it of course! Maybe she acted differently around me, maybe I just didn't see it. She told me about the infatuation Hermione had for me. She told me that I should know better, and not return it. I had felt a surge of anger and betrayal, I almost hexed her there and then, I should have told that she should shut up and leave us alone. But I couldn't help but feel that she was right. I'm 20 years older than her. Merlin! I taught her, I watched her grow from an eleven-year-old, and now into the fine woman she has become.

Finally, I believed what she had implied. Regretfully, I told her exactly what she wanted to hear, with a promise that I was to leave Hermione alone.

'Severus, how would you react to Hermione's infatuation?"

'None of that matters. She's just a petty woman, engrossed with the fantasy of being loved. I could never see her as such.' Yes, hindsight has never been my friend.

I puffed the last of my cigarette and I threw my head back against the wall and I closed my eyes and her eyes are what came into view. Those beautiful eyes that give out a smile wider than her lips could give. Could I really live knowing how she would show those wonderful smiles to another man? I vanished the cigarette and walked up the astronomy tower. Arriving and looking at the scene below me made me curse.

It's the engagement. Hermione was wrapped with Crawfords arms. He kept on running his fingers on her unruly hair. She must have accepted, as I always assumed she would.

I closed my eyes as I flew away in the black smoke that surrounded me. I missed flying, even though it had a connection to my dark past, I continued with no place in mind. I arrived in Hogsmeade now cursing my choice of travel, a choice mainly used by Death Eaters. I entered the Hog's Head and ordered a glass.

"One glass of Firewhiskey."

"One- glass of Fire-whiskey."

I asked and frowned when I heard someone say in unison. I looked to my left and met her eyes.

"Why are you here?" I muttered then took a swig of the whiskey.

"I just turned down an engagement. And you?" She looked at me with the same curious eyes. "I know it's pathetic..." she shook her head at herself.

I didn't even think of how to shut her up, I dropped the goblet, spilling the contents. I cupped her face and kissed her, not minding the crowded pub or the bartender gaping at us. I broke away and rested my forehead unto hers, breathing in her fragrance.

Hermione's eyes bore into mine, there was nothing else, just those chocolate orbs, she snapped her fingers pulling my attention. Well, that daydream would be one way to do it.

"I just asked you- You n-never go out d-drinking." Her eyes were a bit watery and she smelled slightly like the alcohol she had clearly been drinking quite a bit of.

"Am I not allowed go out drinking, Miss Granger?"

She raised her hands in alarm and asked for another glass. My mind was in overdrive. Why did she decline the proposal? Didn't she love him? Maybe she still likes me? Or she's surprised? I didn't mind her and I minded my own business. But as my curiosity got the best of me I finally looked at her state. Her hair was short but her wild curls are still unmanageable. Her lipstick was smeared with traces of it on the goblet. I couldn't help but imagine that this is what she might look like when thoroughly ravished. Goddamnit. That thought led to thoughts of ravishing. I looked to my left and grimaced at her intoxication. 'Disheveled, are we Hermione?' I thought. Noticing her change of movement, I grabbed her arm that she was about to raise, asking for another.

"How much have you been drinking? You stupid girl! I remember you drink wine and you can barely walk after two glasses, and you dare down so many shots of firewhiskey?"

"Glad you rem--ber, Sev."

"Come on, Get up." I was glad that she didn't hesitate and obliged so quickly.

"And you don't even have a bloody coat with you."

"Lang-gage Professor! 10 points from Slytherin." She answered, giggling a little as I draped my coat over her tiny frame. She smiled and pulled the coat around her as I wrapped my arm around her waist- helping her to walk out the pub. We walked alongside slowly.

Hermione pushed my arms away and she stopped walking. I narrowed my eyes in question and she leaned against the tree. She must be dizzy. "One m-moment." She stammered and wiped sweat from her forehead.

"I would have offered apparition but that would just make everything worse."

She raised a hand and breathed heavily. Remembering.

"Miss Granger, I think you should take this sober potion." I summoned a vial, but she pushed it away, causing it tumble and spill on the snowy ground.

"Do you- know... Why I didn't accept his proposal, Severus?" She paused her eyes bloodshot, tears standing, waiting to fall "I- didn't accept it cause... I can't bloody get over you." A single tear slid down her cheek, "I don't care if you hate me. Just please don't make me stop loving you." She looked heartbroken. Her eyes were filling with more tears, doomed to fall. I don't know what to do. I hate seeing women cry. It's unsettling.

I summoned another vial and opened the topper.

"This is a calming draught. Come on. Hermione. Drink it."

She took it and smiled. "Hermione. You called me Hermione."

I moved closer and brushed a stray tear from her cheek.

I dipped my head and leaned closer. I watched her eyes flutter and close, as I closed my eyes as well and waited for our lips to finally touch. I kissed her and my heart leapt when she responded with equal fervour. Oh, Gods. I broke away and caressed her swollen lip. She smiled and I tried to untangle her messy mane.

"I thought I lost you, Hermione." Hermione was still in shock. She started hiccuping which made me laugh. It didn't help. This time she cupped my face and kissed me.

"Why now?" She asked after pulling away.

"You were with another man, let's just say that it made me come to my senses. I couldn't bear seeing you in the hands of another. But ...I want to apologize. I'm an insecure man." I paused, finding the intimacy difficult, but I knew she deserved the whole truth, "The words that you heard, they were true, but trust me when I say that I didn't mean a single word. I chose to ignore my feelings. I thought that you only acted that way- I believed it to only be your pity. When I finally realized that we might share the same feelings, I was afraid. Even our colleagues knew it, it started with Minerva. She pestered me and you heard the words of an insecure old fool who was denying his own feelings without thinking." I paused glancing at her, she was still in an alcohol-induced daze, but she listened intently, "She was right, Hermione, about everything, you are lively and young and I shouldn't be a burden on your future. Imagine all the looks that you will get when you, sweet and innocent, are associated with me, a former Death Eater. A man like me doesn't deserve a woman like you, and on top of all that, I'm 20 years your senior. The bloody prophet might taint..." Her slender finger was placed to my lips.

"Who cares what they say? They can broadcast the colour of my bloody knickers and I wouldn't even care! For goodness sake Severus! You already thought about our future, we haven't even started yet."

"You would tolerate a man like me? Even when I --"

"Even what Severus? No matter what that is. I would still love you."

"Say it again please."

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Once again Beta-d by Rachel Boonaught. Thank you so much!

I hope you guys enjoyed this.


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